So take a letter Maria, address it to my wife

Say I won’t be coming home, gonna start a new life

So take a letter Maria, address it to my wife

Send a copy to my lawyer, gotta start a new life

–R.B. Greaves


UCLA is the best 5 loss team in the country and you know it!

Jason Ruiz


(Update): UCLA is now the best SIX loss in the country after Thursday night’s 20-10 carnival show defeat at Colorado. The game was so hideous it will only be re-shown on Pac 12 Network to ensure few people will see it.  The headline in Friday’s LA Times captured it perfectly: “Boulder Hash.” One genius tweet noted the game was so undisciplined the refs should have called a penalty for “roughing the viewer.”

UCLA won the penalty battle, 13-12, clinching an ineptitude display in which the Bruins jumped offside on fourth-and-four to clinch victory for a winning team that otherwise played like a pile of Buffalo chips. The best news: Rankman recorded the event, which allowed him to fast-forward through the broadcast to get straight to the commercials. UCLA at Colorado was a mashed menagerie of cheap shots, late hits, botched field goals, dropped passes, screaming coaches and play so deplorable Walter Camp would have said, “Um, this is not what I had in mind.” The “Twilight Zone” episode of this game, starring William Shatner gazing out his prop-plane window, would have been titled “Nightmare at 5,430 feet.”

This wasn’t Folsom Field–it was Folsom Prison. What a night, huh, for John Elway and 32 NFL scouts to be in attendance? UCLA is now 3-6 and guaranteed its worst finish under Jim Mora. The Bruins need three more wins to be bowl eligible and one more to avoid eviction from the Rose Bowl.

And for the record, UCLA was not the best “five loss” team entering the game. You were forgetting 3-5 Mississippi, the pearl of Oxford, still getting one vote in the USA Today poll. The voting coaches just hate letting go of SEC schools, although there’s a case to be made for the Rebels. The five losses are to Florida State, Alabama, Arkansas, LSU and Auburn. Some are even hyperventilating that Ole Miss could be the best 3-5 team in history.

 The rest of this article is available to subscribers only – to become a subscriber click here.