There is nothing more thrilling than the first full-plate weekend so let’s get right to the suspensions and transfers. Chip Kelly’s up-tempo system for offenses has led to six UCLA players being sidelined for Saturday’s home opener against Cincinnati. Kelly hasn’t been this excited about a debut since, moments before his first game at Oregon in 2009, he ran out of the tunnel with LeGarrette Blount in Boise. First-year Mississippi State Coach Joe Moorhead announced quarterback Nick Fitzgerald would sit the opener against Stephen F. Austin. What the F? Coach says Fitz is out for a team violation committed last March. If this is anything close to what happened to off-season Oklahoma’s Baker Mayfield, pencil him in for the Heisman. Meanwhile, in Lincoln, Adrian Martinez won the starting QB job and backup Tristan Gebbia announced he was transferring. Welcome to the new world disorder and stay tuned for impending QB transfer reports at USC and UCLA…Several coaches released depth charts this week through their sports disinformation departments. Incredibly, one school named 42 offensive starters for its home opener, which is going to draw several penalties. Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh claims a sticky “o” key on his computer mistakenly caused him to release a rooster (very nervous bird) instead of a roster. UCLA has narrowed its starting quarterback field to three, while Ohio State’s depth chart was lost because it was stored on Urban Meyer’s cell phone. Alabama will play two quarterbacks against Louisville while USC, which has three quarterbacks, has decided on should-be HS senior JT Daniels. Santa Ana Mater Dei High, by the way, has already produced two Heisman Trophy winners in John Huarte and Matt Leinart. Will Daniels be the third? (Note: MD grad Matt Barkley was not) Kids today grow up so fast. Seems like only yesterday Daniels was wrapping up his sixth year of eighth grade.

1: Auburn: Only school last year to defeat Alabama and Georgia that also did not A) make the playoff, B) win the SEC or C) beat Central Florida.

2: Alabama: You Must Pick One: Lennon or McCartney? Hall or Oates? Simon or Garfunkel? Crosby or Hope? Siegfried or Roy? Cheech or Chong? Captain or Tennille? Sonny or Cher? Tua or Jalen?

3: Georgia: QB Jake Fromm steps into huddle prior to first snap against Austin Peay: “Hey were did all my running backs go?”

4: Clemson: Just binge-watched fascinating Netflix series on how team’s defense front was modeled on Roman architectural plans used to build Hadrian’s Wall. The rest of this article is available to subscribers only – to become a subscriber click here.