SURPRISE, Ariz.–Arizona State leads the nation in rush defense and also in rushing from “Not ranked” to No. 12 in Rankman’s latest index, which should also cause Big Ten schools to cancel all future contracts at Sun Devils Stadium given the conference is now 0-10 in Tempe Diablo. Fear the Fork or else get Mack the Knifed. ASU great Pat Tillman, a name we remember this week for all obvious reasons, would have been proud of the way the Sun Devil defense played in his old stadium against Michigan State…We’d like to say we saw Herm Edwards coming, but can confess to only “hearing” him coming…Stanford moves up three spots after holding a fall sitcom pilot, “The Heltons,” without a touchdown for the first time since the fall of 1941. Folks at USC may be asking “Is this the Fall of Troy?” or just a case of the offensive coordinator not understanding that “Student Body Right” is fine to run on first, second and third downs if the other team can’t stop it…Rankman looking forward to “The Heltons,”  a spin-off of My Three Sons about a dad\coach who must decide which one of his boys should play quarterback for his college team. A fourth son, Chip, ran away from home to play for the crosstown rival!  Co-starring William Demarest Jr. as crusty old “Uncle Marv.” Havoc breaks loose when Coach Helton starts a should-be high school senior, sporting a porn-mustache, to take on Pop Warner‘s old team in Palo Alto: Green-lighted over margaritas at original El Cholo on Western as “Son of Flubber meets Francis the Talking Mule.”

 

1: Auburn (2-0): Weekend “Tigers” update: Auburn Tigers host LSU Tigers, Missouri Tigers at Purdue, Detroit Tigers at Cleveland, Hamilton Tiger-Cats host Calgary, Siegfried & Roy at Mirage. (1)

2: Alabama (2-0): Tide leads Ole Miss series, 50-9-2, but ol’ “Miss Terry” reminds hubby he’s only 2-2 since 2013. (2)

3: Oklahoma (2-0): UCLA reports the last baseball player to run that fast on its defense was Jackie Robinson in an inter-squad scrimmage. (3)

4: Clemson (2-0): With Texas A&M out of the way Clemson can now retire to the recreation room at ACC Shady Acres. (6)

5: Georgia (2-0): Team’s official anti-realignment nighttime prayer: “Now I lay me down to sleep, in the SEC East please do keep. (6) The rest of this article is available to subscribers only – to become a subscriber click here.